Temporal
I have been getting the same dreams lately; I wake up in an empty apartment, I walk out and everything is blanketed in snow. I walk for a bit, look back and discover I don’t leave any footsteps. It’s more beautiful than eerie but I’m only saying this because I always wake up before anything creepier happens. This is the last week of my holiday in Singapore and it’s this period that I become an emotional mess; my brain becomes muddled between missing home and missing Melbourne. Today, for example, when I had a really shitty watered down iced coffee that I paid 5 bucks for and all I could think of, apart from stabbing the barista and getting my money back, was my daily $3 cappuccino at Melbourne’s League of Honest Coffee. Then I did a little lingerie shopping at H&M, fantastic bras for only $20? No really, even I was skeptical until I tried them on and HOT DAYUMMMM Singapore, you are forgiven. And as if God didn’t believe finding cute bras was redeeming enough, Dad asked me tonight what I wanted for dinner and he drove to our favourite restaurant, despite having tons of work to do, to get me my chicken rice. I bawled in the toilet when he left.
I am very, very lucky to be able to experience an entirely different world in Australia and then come back home to relive my old life for a split second. Yes, it’s hard to leave things behind, I’ve said this many times, but today it dawned on me literally 20 minutes ago as I stared at my ceiling light – a moment which compelled me to write this entry immediately – this unbearable feeling that intensifies as my flight back looms closer? It’s the fear of being left behind. It’s ironic since I’m the one leaving but when one leaves, the space one occupies in a person’s heart diminishes with time and slowly they get used to being without you. It sounds like I’m elegantly describing what a break-up is to most people but it happens to all friendships and every tie forged with another person. I know my friends love me dearly but we are in different stages of our lives now; most of them are working, some of them are struggling students like me and we’re all experiencing different things. It is childish to think things would stay the same, even I know I’ve changed in some ways. But in my white dreamscape, it was nice to be in some place impervious to change even for a little while.
I should probably create a new “EMO SHIZ” tag, for things like this.
A TEA-NOIR® entry with NO PHOTOS? What is this travesty!
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February 19th, 2012 at 11:38 pm
YOU KNOW ITTTTTT LOL. Emo entries need no photos ;p
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i know how you feel! I always feel that way when I am alone and have loads of time to think of where I heading. I am still lost but I make up for it by shopping. haha! It’s just a phase love. <3
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March 4th, 2012 at 6:20 am
Aw man you have no idea how much shopping I’ve done to make myself feel better LOL, thank god it’s a phase because at the rate money flies from my purse – I’m going to be bankrupt!
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Beautifully written, as always. I think ‘emo shiz’ may be my new favorite tag of yours… wait no, the food posts are also great — and the makeup posts — and the fashion ones — arghh I give up, I’ll take one of each.
“It’s ironic since I’m the one leaving but when one leaves, the space one occupies in a person’s heart diminishes with time and slowly they get used to being without you.” This line resonated the most with me; it perfectly sums up what I feel when I’m away from my own family and I realize life continues as usual without me. I’m still trying to come to terms with the idea that nothing ever really stays the same myself.
I was just in H&M myself yesterday and I completely neglected the lingerie section so thank you for the convenient excuse to go back LOL.
Have a safe flight!
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March 4th, 2012 at 6:24 am
Angela, you leave some of the best comments PERIOD. How far away are you from your family? I’m assuming you go to college in a different city (oh Americaaaa!! ;D) I think things have to change to make way for something better? Haha I’m hoping that’s the case or I’ll be royally pissed when I’m on my death bed and thinking, “Hrm, that certainly didn’t go so well” LOL fingers crossed that doesn’t happen!!
And yes, I’ve got them bras for nearly a month now – still fantastic
Go get some!! x
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March 7th, 2012 at 6:35 am
This is the completely shameful part but I’m ‘fessing up anyway — I’m only 30 ittybitty minutes away from my family so really, in the time I spend moping I could probably be there and back. I go home on the weekends whenever I’m not swamped with deadlines but even then I feel more like a beloved visitor than a homecoming daughter, since I sleep on the guest bed (at least it’s softer than my old bed!) and I never know where anything is kept. I know I’m one of the lucky ones as far as family and distance go though!
Are you familiar with the game Portal? I really want someone to invent a Portal gun already, so I can open a doorway between my parents house and my apartment and never miss out on a single meal they make LOL I’m the worst houseguest ever.
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